Random Facts on a Monday Morn

A random tidbit for you on this grey Monday morning.
When I’m travelling I often make a point of seeking out any CCTV cameras and ensuring that I look directly at each one for at least 5 or 6 seconds.
Why?
Well it’s simple and a bit morose I suppose.
You know those news stories of people who are travelling home from work/nights out and they just don’t get there? Then shortly (or sometimes never) they turn up? Just, well, dead?

Well that’s why. If you watch the reports on the tv you never see the person look at the CCTV camera. If I look at the camera of every place I travel through and I go missing, then there’s 100% chance that they’ll know it’s me on the CCTV. Easy to trace last steps. Perhaps easier to locate me/my body.

Mind you, got forbid someone try to abduct me, cause I’d rip their eyes out. But it’s ok, cause it’s self defence right?

So yeah, Happy Monday y’all!

Possibly the best complaint letter ever…



TO: MR. JAMES THATCHER

        BRAND MANAGER, PROCTER & GAMBLE


        Dear Mr. Thatcher


        I have been a loyal user of your Always maxi pads for over 20 years, and I appreciate many of their features.
        Why, without the LeakGuard Core(tm) or Dri-Weave(tm) absorbency, I’d probably never go horse riding or salsa
        dancing, and I’d certainly steer clear of running up and down the beach in tight, white shorts.
        But my favorite feature has to be your revolutionary Flexi-Wings. Kudos on being the only company smart enough to realize how crucial it is that maxi pads be aerodynamic. I can’t tell you how safe and secure I feel each month knowing there’s a little F-16 in my pants.

        Have you ever had a menstrual period, Mr. Thatcher? Ever suffered from "the curse"? I’m guessing you haven’t. Well, my "time of the month" is starting right now. As I type, I can already feel hormonal forces violently surging
        through my body. Just a few minutes from now, my body will adjust and I’ll
        be transformed into what my husband likes to call "an inbred hillbilly with knife skills." Isn’t the human body amazing?

        As brand manager in the feminine-hygiene division, you’ve no doubt seen quite a bit of research on what exactly happens during your customers’ monthly visits from Aunt Flo. Therefore, you must know about the bloating, puffiness, and cramping we endure, and about our intense mood swings, crying and out-of-control behavior.

        You surely realise it’s a tough time for most women. In fact, only last week, my friend Jennifer fought the violent urge to shove her boyfriend’s testicles into a George Foreman Grill just because he told her he thought Grey’s Anatomy was written by drunken chimps.

        Crazy! The point is, sir, you of all people must realize that the UK is just crawling with homicidal maniacs in capri pants. Which brings me to the reason for my letter.

        Last month, while in the throes of cramping so painful I wanted to reach inside my body and yank out my uterus, I opened an Always maxi pad, and there, printed on the adhesive backing, were these words: "Have a Happy Period."

        Are you *+*#*ing kidding me?

        What I mean is, does any part of your tiny middle-manager brain really think happiness – actual smiling, laughing happiness – is possible during a menstrual period? Did anything mentioned above sound the least bit
        pleasurable?

        Well, did it, James? FYI, unless you’re some kind of sick S&M freak girl, there will never be anything "happy" about a day in which you have to jack yourself up on Nurofen and Kahlúa and lock yourself in your house just so you don’t march down to the local Tesco’s armed with a hunting rifle and a sketchy plan to end your life in a blaze of glory.

        For the love of God, pull your head out, man. If you just have to slap a moronic message on a maxi pad, wouldn’t it make more sense to say something that’s actually
        pertinent, like "Put Down the Hammer" or "Vehicular Manslaughter Is Wrong"?

        – Or are you just picking on us?

        Sir, please inform your accounting department that, effective immediately, there will be an £8 drop in monthly profits, for I have chosen to take my maxi-pad business elsewhere. And though I will certainly miss your
        Flexi-Wings, I will not for one minute miss your brand of condescending
        bullsh1t.

        And that’s a promise I will keep. Always.

        Best,

        Wendi Aarons

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Dancing and Martial Arts with the mummies!

We went to an exhibition at the British Museum last night. Fruit, Daniel and I.
Earlier in the week Fruit emailed me a link…
http://www.britishmuseum.org/whats_on/events_calendar/china_late_dance__martial.aspx

It looked wicked and between the two of us, we got it into our heads that this was yesterday. (Thursday the 8th..of November). Now both of us (I’d like to think) are reasonably intelligent and have the ability to read quite well. how we got it wrong I don’t know.

So, thinking this exhibition was on, we toddled over to the museum, and it wasn’t. Poor Fruit rushed into the West End from Bromley. (I work across the street) and Daniel came from Whitton.

Needless to say we weren’t very amused with ourselves, even though it was quite hilarious.

We are going to go on the 6th of December. Should be good fun. If you want to come along, then please do!

Afterwards, Fruit went to get her train home, and Daniel and I stopped in Starbucks for Coffee.

I have decided Starbucks is where we start in our attempt at world domination. Brain (from Pinky and the Brain) has great idea’s, but they always get squashed….he should have started at Starbucks.

anyhoo.

We get coffee and walk over our favourite bridge across the Thames to go to Waterloo to get trains home.

I had a great evening despite the mishap…

Although I wouldn’t recommend in drinking a vanilla latte before bed. I had awful nightmares last night. *shudder*

time to start work. lots to do.

over and out!

you’ve been carded

Well it’s Alan and Tash’s Halloween party tonight, and I’m all excited.  I thought that I would go to Sainsbury’s at lunch, grab some lunch, get some drinks for tonight and to top it all off, get some cash back.

except….I heard the dreaded words.  the words you hate when your under 18 and trying to get away with purchasing alcohol.

Are you over 21?

So I said yes and quoted my date of birth at her.
The lady seemed to accept that and then she changed her mind.  "Oh" she says. "Can I see your ID?"
"I don’t carry ID to work" I reply.
"Oh" she says
So I look at her and explain (as you would to a 2 year old)
"I live and work in London, where there is no need for me to drive, therefore I do not have a drivers licence.  My passport is at home, as I don’t carry it around just for the sake of it.  It cost me £94 last time I did that, and I’m not really into having to spend another £94 if my bag is stolen."

Then she says ok, let me speak to my supervisor.  She calls over her supervisor, and explains the situation and the supervisor goes, "There is nothing I can do if she’s already asked you for ID".

so, please explain to me, why on earth did she call you over, if she already knew this.  What a bloody waste of time.  at this point I’m getting annoyed, as it is wasting my time, which is already diminishing by the second.  The cashier rings up my lunch and tells me it’s £4 something or other, to which I reply "actually, don’t bother." and walk out.

How infuriating.  Instead I went and got a bottle of wine from the Wine Merchants in my building and it’s a lovely bottle of red.  Which did cost me £16, but hey, it’s Sainsbury’s loss…



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a blog during the middle of the day??? surely not!

my throat feels as though I am trying to swallow two golf balls simultaneously.  not very pleasant.  so far the day has been good.
It’s busy as always and I’ve not got time to do everything I need/want to.
I sat with my new team for about an hour or so this morning, it was interesting.  There is a LOT to learn.
Have to cover the phones now until Clare and Sarah come back from lunch, then I can go to lunch and then back down to my new team.
 
I’m very excited to be working with them (although they’ll probably think that I am a loony old bat!)
 
speaking of bats – it’s nearly Halloween, and I am totally excited about Alan and Tash’s party.  It’s going to be so much fun!!!
 
anyway – better dash and actually do some work!
 
toodle pip!

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