The Glass Box

This was recently shared with me, by a fellow mama who had PND. She is remaining anonymous at her request. I’m sharing it with you. Not only is it a beautiful piece of writing, but it also is an insight as to how someone with PND feels.

PND to me was like being in a glass box. I could see people and people could see me. I could hear people and people could hear me. But ultimately I would walk around/sleep/live in a glass box all alone. I wanted to get out but couldn’t. I couldn’t understand why I was in the box and why literally no-one else I saw was in a box. In fact not only were they not in a box they were running around free as a bird, laughing, genuinely smiling in the breeze.

On a couple of occasions the lid would lift a little and I could stick half my head out. It would make me feel a little better, but then someone would push me back down in it and I’d be alone again.

Sometimes it would feel as if the box was getting smaller, closing in on me so I would want to take my own life to avoid my failure of being able to live in the box without getting squashed. My baby needed someone else other than me. Afterall how could a mother care adequately when she is always in a glass box. My husband didn’t like me. What husband would love a woman who could never leave her glass box and would moan about being in there all the time.

So I would cry alone in there. Not knowing why I was put there or when or if I was going to get out. Because to me the glass box was firmly nailed shut and had a padlock on it. There was no way I would ever ever get out, I would be stuck in it forever.

When I read articles about ‘PND’ or when a doctor showed me empathy, my glass box would move closer to another person who I could suddenly see was also in a glass box. That made me realise that in the world I wasn’t the only one. But ultimately I was still alone. I would walk the streets even surrounded by the glass box. I would drive inside it, go to baby groups inside it, even spend Christmas Day inside it! Whilst I watched my little girl who I adored more than the world in her pretty velvet dress unwrap presents. I wished I could get out just even for a day but I couldn’t.

Then one day someone came and unlocked the padlock. I felt a bit better. I was still trapped inside but the lid felt lifted somehow. It would lock again but bit by bit the unlocking incidents occurred more regularly. Eventually and over time, without even knowing it, the glass lid lifted and slowly I was climbing out. Then one day, I realised that not only had I got out but as I turned around to look at the box that was my prison I saw….that it had shattered into a thousand tiny pieces and I knew I would never ever go back in there again. I was free! Free to run in the breeze like other mums. As I turned, I noticed an egg timer next to the shattered glass. I had never noticed that before. And it was empty. I started to see other women in glass boxes and now I was the free one. I wanted to give them hope. Each of them had a different amount of sand in their egg timers, but I knew that they would run out eventually.

The only thing that helped me during my time in the box was to play music in there. Music that I used to love that made me feel happy. The odd glass of wine in there, reading loving letters from friends and texts of compassion.

Throes of Labour

This time last year, I was in labour.
I had already been sent home by the midwife at the hospital because I wasn’t in established labour. I was in pain and getting hacked off.

It seems so surreal to remember it. It almost feels as though I’ve made it up and I wonder if my memories of it are somewhat skewed.

I remember laying in the bath, and after 45 minutes being to uncomfy to stay in there.

I remember it being incredibly painful to lay down, but my contractions were in the top of my legs, so standing up was impossible.

I remember The Husband telling me to eat and drink. I only wanted chocolate and blackcurrant squash.

I remember every bump in the car on the way to the hospital.

I remember being told to stop screaming by the midwife as I was scaring the other ladies in the triage ward.

I remember being helped down the corridor whilst heavily relying on the wonderful gas that was making me slightly spaced out.

I remember thing the anaesthetist how much I loved him after he cited my epidural and then apologising to The Husband.

I remember the rest of the time being quite relaxed and peaceful.

The midwives were lovely.
The doctors were lovely.

Then I had to go to theatre.

A year ago today.

Cannot believe my baby is almost 1.

They don’t stay little forever.

Zzzzzzzz

Recently I’ve had a hard time getting Emma to nap. She refuses to nap even though she is clearly tired and then I have 1-3 hours of screaming and whining because she is so tired.

Normally I can tell when she’s having a growth spurt as she naps like a dream. I can put her down with a bottle of milk and within 15 minutes she is fast asleep and will sleep for between an hour and a half to two hours. Twice a day!

But recently? Nope!

I’m lucky if she has 1 half hour nap a day. It’s exhausting.

Especially as if we go out (in the hopes she falls asleep whilst we are out) she usually does fall asleep. About 5-10 minutes just before we get home. It’s not like I can even just leave her in her pushchair as we live on the 2nd floor and there is no elevator!

Which is exactly what happened yesterday.
At 4pm. 3 and 1/2 hours before her bedtime.
I managed to get her upstairs and into her cot, and then just before 5pm I decided to wake her.

I’ve always been told you never ever wake a sleeping baby.

Why? Because kids who are tired, are grumpy and whiny little buggers!!

Sleep Regression

It seems we are going through a period of sleep regression. It is HARD.

Little Duck wakes anywhere from 2 to 7 times a night. Which means that either one or both of us are having to get up to comfort/change/give milk.

We are at 9 months, which is a typical age for a growth spurt, so kiddo is eating a lot of food, and recently starting having 2 naps a day, each lasting a minimum of an hour and a maximum of an hour 45. Normally she has two 30 minute naps!

The constant night time wakes and broken sleep means that by 9:30 am, she is yawning and by 10am she looks tired and has tiny bags under her eyes.

Add all of that, along with drugs that make me tired and when I do sleep make me have very strange lifelike dreams, it’s really hard.

The Husband is off for the next two days, so I might be able to catch up on some shut eye.

I’m hoping this sleep regression goes away soon. Seriously, she wasn’t this bad when she was a newborn! I’m trying to get back on track so I can go back to work, so I will need sleep to function.

Oh, and we have another tooth sprouting. So we have the occasional whiny moment.

Pass the matchsticks.
Make me a coffee.

I’m in this for the long haul.

Healthy Living Tips While You’re Pregnant

During my pregnancy, I really didn’t know what to expect, what to do, or which changes I should make! All I knew was that I was growing a baby inside of me and I had to make smart and healthy choices. After becoming pregnant, I decided to live healthier and to make smarter choices when it came to my everyday eating and exercise routine. I never realized just how many artificial ingredients were in the foods I normally ate on a regular basis. I also never re-examined my exercise routine and made some small changes.

Getting healthy as someone who is expecting might seem like a difficult task. You’re probably nervous and excited about your new bundle of joy and don’t think you have the time or funds to eat healthier and exercise more. Or, you may just be tired! The benefits of living healthier far outweigh any disadvantages that come with it and studies have shown that working out while pregnant may increase energy levels. These healthy habits you develop during pregnancy can also go with you after you give birth and are caring for your new baby.

Eating and Purchasing Organic Fruits and Vegetables

There are a couple of things you should do if you’re trying to get healthy for yourself and your baby. One thing you can try doing would be to buy organic fruits and vegetables. Visit your local supermarket and specifically look for labels that state a food item is organic. You might notice that the sticker on a piece of fruit says that it’s organic or that the label on a granola bar package says it’s organic.

Budgeting for Healthy Food and Household Cleaners

It is not a myth that organic foods and natural household cleaners are more expensive. There are a few ways that you can afford buying these products to promote better health during and after your pregnancy. One way would be to visit local farmers markets in the area. These markets normally have nothing but organic produce, but the price will be far less and a lot more affordable in the long run.
If you are still having issues buying organic and natural products from your local store, you can try using coupons for these things. Just look up the manufacturer’s name, visit their website and request coupons. You can then receive coupons in the mail for anything from cloth diapers to organic cleaners for the home. These coupons can help you to save a lot of money if you have enough of them and are willing to use them every single time you go shopping!

Exercising While Pregnant

Before starting an exercise program while you’re pregnant, make sure that you discuss options with your doctor. My doctor was able to advise me on everything pregnancy related (from cord blood banking options to stress relievers!) When I was pregnant, I decided to start walking again. It was a little habit I had when I was a teenager but stopped doing when I started working a full-time job and couldn’t seem to find the time. Walking has so many benefits that can truly be an advantage in your life.

Making small changes throughout your pregnancy can truly help promote a wonderful life for your new bundle of joy. These few tips can make for a very happy mom-to-be and baby!

Katie Moore has written and submitted this article. Katie is an active blogger who discusses the topics of, motherhood, children, fitness, health and all other things Mommy. She enjoys writing, blogging, and meeting new people! To connect with Katie contact her via her blog, Moore From Katie or her twitter, @moorekm26

Parenthood, Friendships and Socialising

It’s funny. When you’re pregnant and then when you become a mother, you discover who your friends really are.

There’s that saying, “good friends are those who you don’t see regularly but when you do see them you can pick up and carry on as if no time has been spent apart”

The moment you tell people you are pregnant, there’s a hubbub of congratulations and excitement. Then people seem to think you’re fragile and things change.

Beforehand you’d get invited to nights out. Weekends away. Dinners in semi-fancy restaurants.

Then it stops.

It’s as if being pregnant means you’re no longer allowed to do such things.

Instead whilst your friends go out and have fun, not inviting you (mainly because they assume you won’t want to go, they assume you’re feeling sick or tired) you troll Internet pregnancy and parenting boards looking for people in the same situation as you so that you can bond.

So for almost 9 months, you slowly begin to lose touch with those friends.
You see Facebook statuses, tweets, photos of their “adventures”. You wonder why you weren’t invited. You feel a bit upset, hormones are raging, you have a cry and then you feel angry. Then? You stop caring. At least for a little while.

Then d-day comes and you have your baby. You make your birth announcement and all of a sudden everyone comes out of the woodwork.

You get lots of congratulations and excitement, lots of messages asking when people can come and visit. People wanting to come and hold your new baby.

The same people who only weeks/months before simply stopped involving you in their social life/circles. Who only rarely sent you a message to see how you were. Who very rarely responded to your messages.

The first few weeks of having your new baby is a flurry of visitors. People invite themselves to your home for new baby cuddles. Then it tails off again. As the weeks go by, you get less visitors, less messages, less phone calls.

These same people carry on with their lives. You carry on with yours, getting to grips with a new baby.

Again, you don’t get invites to go to the pub, out for a meal. Instead you see photos from nights out, Facebook statuses, tweets.

When you jokingly say “where was my invite then?” People uhm and ahh, unsure of what to say and then finally come out with “I didn’t think you be able to because of the baby”.

You don’t get invited because people assume you are too tired/ can’t go because you have a baby now/ don’t want to go.

As if having a baby, being a mother means that you can now no longer attend social functions. As if being a mother suddenly means you are no longer an actual person. With feelings.

Well, here’s the low down, from a new mama.

It hurts.

Just because I am now someone’s mother and have the responsibility for a child, doesn’t mean I am not a person, who on occasion needs some adult conversation, interaction and occasionally a glass of wine!

Don’t stop inviting me out because you think I can’t/don’t want to go. Don’t assume. You know, your assumption may be correct. I may be too tired and not want to go. I may not have a baby sitter and so cannot go. But I’d like to be asked. To be invited, instead of feeling excluded.

Remember that. Remember to continue to treat your friend like a friend after she announces her pregnancy and has a baby. Otherwise you may find that one day she won’t be your friend anymore.
Eventually she will stop trying, will decide to stop asking herself what she did to be treated the way she was, and she will just walk away.

Baby Wearing

Towards the end of my pregnancy, a few of the ladies I’d met started a conversation about baby wearing and the benefits.

Babies feel comforted by being close to you, it’s calming for them.
You have your hands free to be able to eat/drink/read a book/do light housework etc.
Promotes healthy babies, being so close to mum or dad helps them to regulate breathing and physical responses.

For more information, check out this site.

Baby slings? They are super cute! And many of them very expensive! My Moby Wrap was £43, but some of them can go up to £160 (possibly even more!)

So I was delighted when my parents got me a Moby Wrap for my birthday.

It’s taken some getting used to for both myself and Emma.

Putting it on was easy (following the instructions) but getting Emma into the sling and settled, as well as ensuring I was comfortable and felt that Emma was secure, was another matter!!

It’s taken several attempts, but today we cracked it.

I put the sling on, put Emma in it, and after 2 adjustments, Emma was content and fast asleep within 5 minutes!

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this post is not a sponsored or paid post, just simply my own views on a product I wanted to try out. This post is not endorsed by Moby Wrap. I am however happy to review baby products, so if you are a brand who wants to send me baby stuff in return for an honest review then please get in touch.