This morning I had an accident. Ironically I was on my way to a doctors appointment. Instead of going to the doctors, I ended up in an ambulance on gas and air and then in hospital.
Anyone would think it was Monday after today’s events.
Note to all, don’t bother rushing for a bus or train or anything really, it just isn’t worth the pain or panic.
This morning whilst rushing for the bus, I fell. I’m not sure if I lost my footing or I tripped, or exactly what happened to be honest, but I ended up on the floor, half into the road, unable to feel my legs.
I remember looking up and seeing a group of people at the bus stop. The bus pulled up and they all just got on, leaving me laying there. It was freezing out. -2C. I remember seeing headlights approach me and then disappear.
I tried to get up and I couldn’t. I started to panic. I’d hit my head and couldn’t feel my legs. I’m not even sure how I managed to get my phone out of my pocket and call the emergency services.
I remember crying.
I remember suddenly feeling pain in my knees.
I remember my hand, trapped under me pressed into the frozen ground, half numb, half hurting.
Finally someone stopped to help, 7 or 8 minutes after I’d fallen.
I remember being on the phone to a woman at the emergency services, trying to tell her where I was. Confused, cold and in pain. She was sending an ambulance.
I then called my husband. He spoke to the woman who’d stopped to help me.
I didn’t even see her face. Only thing I can recall was her black fleece with HM Prison Service stitched in with white thread. The other thing I remember was a mans work boots.
Someone covered me with a blanket and put something between my face and the floor.
I vaguely remember another woman’s voice saying she’d knocked on a few doors asking if they had a blanket she could borrow. They said they didn’t have anything like that. She called them wankers. I think I might have laughed.
I spent nearly 50 minutes on the floor before the ambulance arrived and got me on to a stretcher and into something warm. During that time I was starting to panic. Trying to control my breathing so that I didn’t have an asthma attack.
I was so cold.
My blood pressure was a lot lower than it should of been. The paramedic said from the shock of the fall and the cold.
My husband met me at the hospital as I was stretchered in and out straight into a cubicle. I had vitals taken, pain relief and saw a doctor within 20 minutes. Within 30 minutes I was taken for X-rays, which thankfully showed that there wet no breaks. I’m now on crutches. It’s hard to use them.
I can’t sleep, even though the drugs I’ve been given make me incredibly drowsy. I’m laying here, in pain, my knees on fire, my neck sore, wondering why I laid in the road and people ignored me. Cars drove past me. At least 5 people were at that bus stop and no one stopped to see if I was ok.
My husband said perhaps people in the cars didn’t see me because they were concentrating on the road. I’m not a driver so I can’t really comment on it I guess. But I should point out that my back pack is part grey part yellow with a few florescent stripes on it. It’s designed to be reflective. I’m not exactly small, how could you miss something like that?
If I saw someone fall and not get back up then I wouldn’t just walk away. I couldn’t.
It makes me incredibly sad that people saw it happen and just walked away.
I do however feel so incredibly grateful for the 3 people who did stop their cars to help me this morning. And to the London Ambulance service who helped me and gave me immediate pain relief and didn’t cut my trousers off me.
I feel grateful to the few people who read my Twitter and Facebook feed who took the time to send me a message asking if I was ok and wishing me to feel better soon.
I feel incredibly sad about the people who I thought cared about me and that I mattered to haven’t bothered to see if I’m ok.
I often wonder why I spend so much of my time and feelings and energy caring for people, and being there for others, when they don’t in fact return the sentiment. Of course, I’m not saying I do it because I expect something in return. I do it because I truly care. It hurts that the people I thought cared, seem not to.
Right now I hurt, in more ways then one.