There is nothing quite like being made to feel an outsider in your home.
The post that I am about to write will probably cause my husband to be very mad at me, my brother-in-law to, well, I don’t even know, and my sister-in-law (who will be sitting on her bed) to punch the air and woop and think FUUUUUCK all at the same time.
The relationship that I share with my father-in-law is very, well, lets say I get mad quite often at him, although I try not to show it, afterall, I live in his house for a minimum cost and I’d rather not become homeless. He is a nice guy, but sometimes I feel that this is not my home. I breathe a sigh of relief when he goes to the SW of England for the weekend at his girlfriends (I’ll come to her in a minute). I breathe a sigh of relief because I can finally feel like I have a home. Currently I just live here, I can’t leave things downstairs, I can leave my slippers in the living room, or my post on the side etc. My husband and I have a room, and some space in the loft, but it’s not nearly enough space for all of our stuff (a lot of my stuff is still at my parents) and we can’t afford to get our own place yet. So when he’s away I’m much more relaxed.
As I said before, my FIL is a nice guy, but he’s set in his ways. My sister-in-law and him don’t talk, they don’t really get on. When he interacts with my husband all is good, and when he interacts with my brother-in-law all is great. I can see from the outside that my FIL has favourites, his favourite is my brother-in-law, he makes it obvious (or in my opinion he does), however this changes when he’s around his girlfriends kids. They then become the favourites, perhaps because he wants them to like him.
Tonight when I was walking up the road to come home, I thought to myself, “I hope they’re not back from the airport yet” (they’re being FILs girlfriends daughter and FIL) but they were. I was hoping to come in, eat quickly and hide away for the evening. NO chance of that. So I did what anyone else would do, I was nice and polite and tried to make conversation, and well, the looks I got, and the body language I saw from my FIL, it was like he was marking his territory. I felt small and uncomfortable and unwelcome.
It was never always this way. I thought very highly of my FIL, up until the day, he and his girlfriend ruined my wedding day. yep, ruined it, well it did go pretty ok in the end, but still, RUINED. Now the one thing you do not want to do is piss of the bride.
As you can imagine, my husband and I are not well off people, we make ends meet and more times than not we live hand to mouth, I won’t lie, it’s hard, but we manage. 7 months before our wedding, I was made redundant, how we were going to pay for our wedding was anyones guess. We had to cut back on spending, so we did our own invitations, we cut corners, and we couldn’t have as many people at the ceremony as we wanted. We had space for 40 people, and therefore we had decided, that as we didn’t know the girlfriend and boyfriend of my husbands parents, they would come to everything but the 20 minute ceremony. It seems reasonable right? and it was, or so we thought. When we explained the situation it was ok, and then one day the girlfriend changed her mind, and my FIL got really mad at us. He said we didn’t like her, we didn’t accept her, it wasn’t right etc etc, and I was mad. I was so mad. SO MAD. because that totally wasn’t the case. Excuse me for wanting to have 3 (yes just 3) of my friends at my own wedding. I was so mad that I cried, and cried. I mean how selfish of them. It wasn’t their wedding, they didn’t pay for it, it was MY WEDDING, MY DAY and lo and behold we had to find space for them to keep the peace. It was from that moment that I disliked my FIL and his girlfriend.
Now don’t get me wrong, they are both lovely people and well suited to each other, but that doesn’t mean I have to like them. The moment they put the dampner on my wedding and made me cry about it, is a moment I will NEVER forget in a million years. You DO NOT under ANY CIRCUMSTANCES upset the bride, and they did.
Bringing me back to tonight, whilst trying to talk to my FILs girlfriends daughter, I felt like an intruder and I felt like I didn’t matter. I didn’t have to be polite and nice and civil. I could have just ignored her, but I didn’t and for my efforts, I got nothing.
So on that note, if anyone wants to give me say £45k for a deposit on a place of our own, then the door is always open. I take personal bankers cheques, cash and all major credit and debit cards.
Posted by becca on March 18th, 2010 :: Filed under family