In the business world, you often hear people come up with stupid sayings. Why can’t people just use plain English? Apparently people use these stupid sayings as a way of “expert” talk, but really I think it’s just a way to out-vocab everyone and try to make others feel a bit stupid.
I once got told “It’s like French or German – just a different language, not designed to make feel you feel stupid – just designed to be spoken between peeps who speak the same language”
Here are a few phrases you may come across in the business world and what it basically means.
A good idea is to put them all in a grid and cross them off as they come up during a meeting. If you get a line or even a full house, shout BINGO. It’s probably a good idea to have an idea floating around that’s relevant (and new) to your meeting, so that you can at least share the idea once you’ve made an arse out of yourself.
1. Spiky chair treatment – when you’re in front of your boss, who’s giving you a hard time, and you can sit still.
2. Blue Sky Thinking – clear free thinking
3. Scope creep – where you’ve been asked to do something specific and you just do what you like instead.
4. Ready- Fire- Aim! – doing something without thinking it through.
5. I hear what you say and I share your concerns – stop rabbiting on, i get it
6. Thought showers – being inundated with ideas.) Apparently using “brain storming” is unPC
7. You can’t educate pork – I’m clever, you’re stupid cause you don’t understand my Point of View.
8. Quick and dirty – someone asks you for some detailed information but wants it RIGHT NOW.
9. Open door policy – what managers say to make everyone like them.
10. A sunset thought – you’re in a meeting and someone says “just one last thing”
11. Let’s put that in the lift and see what floor it stops at – having an idea and wanting to find out what others think of it.
12. Putting rocks on the runway – where someone is doing their best to make problems for you.
13. Wet towel around the head – too many ideas and thinking too hard and stressing.
14. Violently agree – agreeing whilst shaking your fist and looking cross.
15. Eating the elephant – taking a really big problem and slowly resolving it.
16. Corporate disobedience – going against your companies values and behaviours
17. Let me be candid – being clear and open about something.
18. That’s just fish and chips – really basic stuff
19. Hammer that home – really making a point
20. Employee engagement – getting everyone to agree with you
21. Seagulling – you know where a seagull harasses you for your stuff, invades your personal space, then shits all over you? THAT.
22. It’s a gnats cock – a problem that’s really small.
23. Put down the acid on them – really making things uncomfortable for someone.
24. Let’s run that up the flagpole and see who salutes it – see #11
25. “I smell a rabbit!” – the alternative to “i smell a rat”
26. Let’s get interactive on it – communicating a idea or process to a large volume of people.
27. Testiculating – waving your arms about whilst talking bollocks
28. Corporate DNA – a company’s image.
29. Copy with pride – taking someone else’s good idea and implementing it for your own use.
30. Management intelligence – information that management may have about their business or staff.
31. Coalescing out of the ether – where you’re in a meeting and everyone gives a few ideas.
32. Helicopter View – looking down on everyone or getting the “big picture”
33. Active Inertia – looking like you’re really busy when in fact you’re actually doing sod all.
34. Management Tourism – where a manager visits some exotic location in the name of work.