Yesterday I had to report a dangerous tree. No. I am not joking, you can actually report trees as dangerous to the authorities. Gone are the days when you did such things and were carted off to the asylum.
You see there’s this tree that I pass every day to and from work, in fact I have to pass it anytime I want to leave my home. This tree is so dangerous that one day it could actually kill someone. Yes. I am serious. This tree is resting on a pine fence. The fence isn’t coping so well. In fact the fence is pretty much at breaking point and is ready to snap.
I noticed it a year ago, the fence was buckled where the tree “rests” on it. After some bad weather I noticed that the buckled part of the fence has a big crack in it, clearly from the pressure coming from this tree. It freaks me out everytime I walked pass it, but it seems steady enough. Until recently that is. More bad weather hit us, and when I saw the tree on the fence the fence had almost split in half. Once it goes there is every chance that the tree is going to fall. Apparently the property owners don’t maintain their fence or probably even look at it, so I reported it.
Now where the hell is my good citizen badge?!? My actions have saved lives! I’m practically a HERO!
On the way home yesterday I was with the husband and I showed him what I meant (when we passed the tree). He listened to me patiently about this tree for about 5 minutes when he piped up “if you die, I’ll be rich“, followed by “I can spend it on loads of things I don’t need“. At this point I laughed, because, yeah right! And also, his comments totally prove he wasn’t even listening to me.
I’m totally going to have to get a will drawn up that says if I die, the money he gets will be used to pay for my funeral, and to pay off my debts, you know, the responsible things, like Jimmy Choos for me to be cremated in.
My husband however has a different idea. If I happen to be squashed to death by a dangerous tree, then he’s using the money to set up a foundation in my name. He will then use the foundation to buy things he doesn’t need and to buy things for other people that they also don’t need. But I guess that’s not so bad, cause eventually somebody has got to need all that crap. Right?
In the meantime, I’m going to go buy lots of crap that I don’t need, so that when I die, he can have a head start on his foundation.