Tell Me Lies, Tell Me Sweet Little Lies.

If there is one thing I cannot stand in life, it’s got to be liars.

I don’t understand why people lie, especially when they’ve been caught out more than once. Especially when it’s a known fact that they’ve a history of telling lies.

The only thing I can put it down to is that they have pathetic lives.

If you’re going to lie, then you should probably invest in a lie book.
Simply record the date, time and a short background bio with the lie you told. Because its guaranteed to come back and bit you on the ass. I’d recommend an a5 diary for this, but for epic liars then a4 diary might be better.

My mother always said a good liar needs to remember their lies. She wasn’t wrong! Smart cookie, my mom!

You should probably also do a bit of research before you fib too, after-all telling someone a lie when about 20 other people all know you’re lying is a really stupid thing to do! It also makes you look like a fool. *here, have a dunce hat*

For example, “he told me about it because he read it on the Daily Mails Facebook page”

Make sure your lie has a backbone and ribs before you start to flesh it out.
Don’t say something that possibly couldn’t of happened. Don’t say someone read it on a Facebook page when the person you’re talking about doesn’t even have a Facebook account.
Your lies need to be believable. They also have to have a basis in fact (so that the person you’re lying to can find reference to it if they looked)

Make sure you don’t get your lies confused. (This is why you need to have a good memory or a lie book)
There’s bending the truth and then there’s mixing up your lies.
Bending the truth means that your lie has basis in fact, so provided you keep it simple then it’ll go un-noticed.
The bigger the lie, the more chance you’ve got of it going wrong and the more lies you spout the more chance you’ll mix them up.

People also tend to remember what you say, and if you tell one person you have no money and another person that you’re treating your Partner to dinner at the local Chinese, and those 2 people happen to know each other you expose your lies. After you’ve done this several times, people start to label you as a liar.

Telling lies when the truth is laid out in front of you in black and white.
(This is how police and lawyers convict criminals).
Don’t tell me you didn’t accuse me or something when you accidentally cc’d me in on the email accusing me.
The people you lie to and about are not blind. When you put it in writing and then say you didn’t do it/say it, you’ve outed yourself. *maybe I need to make a cape to go with that dunce cap?*

So, in summary?
Remember your lies.
Do your research.
Make your lies believable.
Choose who you tell your lies to.
Don’t lie when the truth is staring you in the face in black and white.

Lying is a multi-tasking job. Probably best not to do it at all really.
Also probably best not to do it on social media where screenshots and captures are people best friends.
You can delete something quickly, but others can screenshot your lies quicker.

Actually there’s another thing I cannot stand in life, people who tell lies then block you on Facebook and continue to tell lies about you. It’s seriously pathetic. *no need to take off that dunce hat I gave you earlier*

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