New Ink

I’ve been MIA from MrsFlams for a while. We have had so much happening of late, and my poor blog has been neglected. The same can be said for Twitter. Infact the only social media platform I’ve really been using is Facebook, and then it’s only been to watch amusing/heart warming/cute animal/funny baby clips.

I’m slowly returning, slowly getting back into writing. Slowly immersing myself back into pinning things I want but can’t afford or haven’t got the creative or artist talent to recreate.

Slowly getting back into posting clips on my YouTube Channel.

I’m envious of all the bloggers who manage to not only raise a family, but hold down a job, a social life AND their blog and social media platforms. I’m in awe of them also, as I know it takes A LOT of work.

I’ve had a time over the last few weeks where I’ve really struggled with my mental health illness. Thankfully NOT as bad as the end of 2013, but still hard on occasion. I don’t think it’s something that is ever going to fully go away, it’s part of me, and something I have to live with, I have to work with and I have to accept.

It’s ok to have bad days. I have to remind myself of this. I have to push myself to know that I can overcome the bad days and that the light at the end is there, waiting to embrace me.

Mental Health has been in the media of late, following the death of Robin Williams. I read countless blogs, articles, news stories about it. It saddened me beyond words. I read so many well worded and thoughtful posts. But I had no words of my own to share.
I still don’t.

My heart is sad.

My mind is sad.

My soul is sad.

Depression (which is only 1 of my illnesses) is horrible. It’s dark, and desperate, and it clings to you like tar. It twists your mind, it lies, feeding you negativity and paranoia.
It corrupt and vile, and difficult to prise off of your soul.

It’s like a black hole, pulling you in, sucking away the light, the happiness and kindness and all the wonderful positive things in the world. JK Rowlings’ descriptive dementors sucking the goodness out of your soul. Cold and heartless, sucking the will to live right out of you.

It’s hard. So very hard.

We all need a little reminder every now and again. Something to remind us that the battle isn’t lost. Something to remind us that just behind that little black cloud is light, waiting to breakthrough and to chase away the darkness.

Tomorrow, I’m taking the step to give myself a permanent reminder. A new tattoo.

Well, not JUST yet. The design needs tweaking (that’s happening tomorrow) and then I’m booking the appointment.

Depression is a liar.

The truth shines through.

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