Round 2

After my initial assessment with CAMHRS, I came away feeling defeated.

The GP in training who saw me, seemed disinterested, talked over me, pressed issues that I felt were not relevant, and her report was contradictory and had gaping holes. 

I read my report and promptly cried and then shoved it away, never to look at it again.

My symptoms have gotten worse. My moods cycle too quickly between high and low, and don’t seem to stabilise for very long.

Small things that I’ve previously shrugged off, have slotted into place. Particularly an incident that happened just after Emma’s birth. 

Some days it’s like I’m not in my own body. I’m stood outside watching my life and I recognise that my behaviours are abnormal. 

I dug out my letter from CAMHRS and uncrumpled it and pushed myself to go back to the doctor. 

I like my doctor, she’s very matter of fact, and to the point. No nonsense.

She immediately referred me back to CAMHRS with a request for a psychiatric clinician to do another assessment. 

I don’t know what to expect.

I don’t know how to feel.

It’s so incredibly hard to verbalise sometimes. I find I’m much more open to discuss my symptoms when I’m experiencing a manic episode. When I’m in a depressive episode I’m more inclined to withdraw and internally sift through everything, which just makes it worse.

I’m fed up of this.

So. Fed. Up.