Well. If you’re in the blogosphere, you know all about the Mommy (and Daddy) wars.
What started off as Stay at Home Moms vs Working Moms, has changed to Older Moms vs Younger Moms, Breastfeeding vs Formula Feeding, Fluffy vs Disposable, Pro-Vax vs Anti-Vax, Cry It Out vs Don’t Cry It Out, and well, everything in between. Basically anything parents can and will disagree on gets labelled as a “Mommy War”.
Well, there’s a new Mommy War, which to be fair, is expected when you stick 180+ women in one Facebook group whilst pregnant.
Which is where I found myself last October when looking for advice on one of BabycentreUK’s birth boards, being added to a Facebook group with a load of other pregnant women all due around the same time as me. It was fabulous. Full of first time mums, and second time mums, and mums with three, four and five kids, mums with pets, single mums, and well, all sorts of mums. And then it went to shit. Which wasn’t surprising with 180+ women who are all roughly 6 months pregnant.
It went to shit, and well, I got the blame. Because I asked for a group that had guidelines and more administrators to manage the dramas that unfolded. And well, the administrators, added 2 more people to their team (great) and then implemented a load of very strict guidelines, which then exploded into a lot of arguments (not great).
One of the new rules was that members were only allowed to post about pregnancy or baby related things, and therefore anything Off Topic must be kept to a minimum and that repeat offenders would be given a warning, and therefore 3 strikes and you’re out. Well this didn’t go down too well. Especially not after closing the group to new members and then having a new member added who was notorious for OT posts elsewhere. It ended in people being nasty and mean and accusing people of bullying and then all of the admins resigning off the group, including the groups creator. When that happens, Facebook automatically shuts down the group. So, that happened.
So, one by one, Facebook threw all of the members out, and they lost all of their scan photos they’d shared, and bump photos they’d shared, and the stories of when they got their BFPs (Big Fat Positives) and all the other stories.
People tried to gain access and couldn’t, the administrators of the group blocked all of the people who disagreed with what they did. Included yours truly. I was blocked because I told them to do what they did. Apparently.
Isn’t it odd how people interpret what you say. To justify their actions and the consequences.
Me asking for guidelines CLEARLY meant that whatever guidelines were put in place meant that they obviously read my mind and plucked the exact wording out of my heavily hormone ridden brain. Brilliant how pregnancy affects you isn’t it? Did you know that being pregnant means you can read the thoughts of other pregnant women? No? Ha! Me either! But apparently it’s true. Which is why I found myself blocked by 3 silly women who blamed me for their own actions. Who then proceeded to tell everyone and sundry about what I did, omitting the part where they did anything wrong, and causing me to be blocked my more women who’s hormone saturated brains couldn’t stop to think for themselves or take the time to remember that every story has two sides.
The best part was I’ve still got all of the original messages. Sadly I didn’t think to take screenshots of the drama that ensued.
And boy was it a drama! One admin accused one lady of sending her an abusive Private Message but when asked to provide proof, refused to do so and instead kicked the lady out of the group and blocked her! One lady then tried to explain why this was an issue, by saying that anyone could accuse anyone of anything by saying it happened, but it doesn’t mean it actually happened and people shouldn’t be so quick to believe it without actual proof. She then get kicked out of the group too and blocked as well. It was like an episode of Harry Hills TV Burp, when Harry Hill says “Well I like this pregnant lady but I also like this pregnant lady, but which is better *and not a fucking liar*, there’s only one way to find out…..FIGHT”
<there was meant to be a photo of fighting pregnant ladies here but I couldn’t find one to use that I didn’t have to pay for, so you’ll have to use your imagination>
So in the process of this group falling apart and chucking everyone out and losing everyones photos (which some hadn’t backed up), I started another group.
I selected a few ladies to add, and quickly told them to add everyone who they could recall in the original, barring the administrators who’d blocked me and had been pretty nasty to quite a fair few of the ladies. Sadly we couldn’t recall everyone, and people were still being added 2 weeks later. Someone else also had the idea of starting another group and so we ended up with two groups with most of the same women in it. Then someone else made another group, and eventually there were 5!
And then after 4 months it all started again.
But I’ll share that another time. So stay tuned!